No Going Back
by oppugno
Summary: There's no denying it, Donna has definitely considered taking the next step with Harvey. Oneshot based off of 1x12.


**The Suits finale really brought a whole new dynamic to a number of relationships on the show. Donna and Harvey's friendship is one of my favourite relationships on the show, and I loved the deeper look at it the finale provided. **

**Which is when this happened. **

**I'm not entirely too sure about it, so if there's anything that seems OOC, let me know!**

* * *

><p>When Rachel silently questioned her about her relationship with Harvey, she wasn't surprised. She felt no shock while noting Rachel's disbelief.<p>

Her wistful expression combined with, "There's no going back," ensured that the topic would be left—even if she hadn't gotten up to use the bathroom.

Although not an unfamiliar one, it was a topic of discussion Donna preferred to avoid. She was a woman in constant control, and thinking about her and Harvey made staying in control difficult. Almost impossible.

So when she returned to Rachel, the topic was dropped, they shared one more drink, and parted ways for the night.

However, Rachel had opened the gate.

Which was why, when Donna got home, she fell back onto her bed, bounced up slightly, then sighed after she kicked off her heels. She was unravelling. She felt her control slipping away from her. With every movement, with every breath, it seeped out of her slowly, leaving along with the effects of the alcohol.

This was why Donna avoided the topic; why she stopped allowing herself to think about it.

It wasn't as if she had never considered going _there_with Harvey. She was certain every woman, with the exception of Jessica, that had ever laid eyes on him thought about it.

But their friendship meant too much to put at risk like that. To submit it to the inevitable changes that would come along with taking that_ next step _in their relationship would scar it. Maybe even break it.

He was her rock, and she his. And although they would both rather die than utter those words aloud, it wasn't something she could lose. If she knew Harvey as well as she liked to think she did, Donna knew it wasn't something he wanted to lose either.

They had their banter. Sometimes it was flirtatious. She was at his beck and call, but he knew better than to abuse it. Harvey trusted her with anything. Everything. She did the same.

Donna could feel his mood even through his closed door, wafting straight to her. After years, their minds were connected. Perfectly in synch. All it took was one glance to know how he was feeling. One glance to know what he needed Donna to do. And she knew Harvey could do the same.

They were both stubborn, and the only person that could change their minds was the other.

No one could make him smile like she did. She knew exactly how to cheer him up when he needed it. He did that for her too.

When something happened, she knew what his reaction would be. Donna knew how to calm him. Ease him. Prevent Harvey's anger. Often, she would make sure things were a certain way to prevent fallout.

Every year, on the anniversary of his parent's death, Donna knew to come in early, put on his favourite record, and then leave him be, as others were startled by his irritable mood. Just like Harvey knew to leave a single chocolate cupcake on her desk every year on her birthday, with no further mention of the day. Just like her Mother used to do.

He was the only person allowed to take care of her. The only person who really knew how. And that's exactly what she did for him as well.

She needed all of that. He needed all of that. If either of them lost it, they would fall apart.

In front of people, they had an offhanded attitude about their relationship, so no one knew just how much they meant to each other. But secretly, they both knew the exact second they entered each other's lives. They could both recall how their lives changed since then.

She hated feeling completely out of control, and was thankful that she was alone, safely locked away in her apartment. Especially when her mind drifted to the one place it shouldn't. The one moment Donna locked away and buried deep inside her mind. That one event she absolutely forbade herself from thinking of.

She had known Harvey for a couple of years. Their relationship had grown strong, although not as strong as it was now.

They were still at the DA's, and it was a tough case Harvey was working on. The murder of a child. He had been working overtime for weeks, so she was too, keeping an eye on him. They were both exhausted, visibly so, with dark shadows under their eyes.

He was at the courthouse awaiting the verdict, and she sat restlessly on her couch. Lip caught between her teeth, she stared at the phone, and waited for his call.

She had jumped when there was a knock on her door, and immediately her heart sank.

Behind it was the most dishevelled and destroyed looking Harvey Specter Donna had ever seen.

He had wordlessly walked past her and sank into the couch. She knew without him saying that he had lost the case.

For the very first time.

She grabbed two bottles of the strongest booze she had, walked over to him, and handed him one of the bottles.

They both sat there, at first in silence, but once they were both drunk, Harvey started shouting, retelling the events of the verdict to her.

They both had continued to drink, and each finished their respective bottles. To say they were both completely drunk was an understatement.

That was when they became touchy. Their hands glued to each other, Harvey thanked her for everything, something he had never done.

Then they kissed.

Sure, they were both drunk, but even now, Donna remembered it had been a damn good kiss. Even now, it still made her lips tingle and buzz. Still sent a shiver down her spine.

The smile that was on her face quickly turned into a frown as she remembered what happened next.

After they had parted, eyes widened, they had both sobered, shocked by what happened. Stunned by the line they had crossed. She awkwardly cleared her throat, while Harvey had grumbled a meek farewell and left.

The next day, both she and Harvey were tremendously hung-over. Their dynamic had also been changed. They hadn't known how to act around each other, and instead of acting like the best friends they were, they behaved as complete strangers.

Over time, that awkward feeling diminished. Their walls had broken down once again. By the time Harvey's next trial rolled around, things returned to normal. So Donna was able to see how nervous he was, even though he was trying really hard to keep it hidden. That was when she started their can-opener tradition. The one they continued to use today. The start of that tradition was the start of the Harvey and Donna of today.

However, she would never, ever forget how one brief, drunken moment changed things. She was still relieved they had gotten past it.

She loved Harvey. She did. And she knew he loved her.

Maybe, they could fall in love with each other. Maybe they were supposed to. No one would know how that would turn out. And neither of them were willing to take the chance and find out.

So, yeah, she thought about it. But there would be no going back.


End file.
